Hello my friends and Merry Meet-

My mood today is slightly grey,  I maybe just drained from the third shift job.. I seem to sleep enough BUT is it the sleep i need.  I am questioning whether or not to keep this job or continue to look for another one.  I have been here for a long time almost 6 years and almost 4 years on third shift and I am TIRED.    I think my circadian rythms are way out of wack. I have gained lots of wieght since i started third shift I can not seem to focus  on my days off during the day.  I am a happy person for the most part but i do feel i am losing a bit of my self in this process of sleep and work and sleep and work.  Maybe its just that time of year for me or something.. I just feel off...  We all go through those moments I am sure .

I had been a heavy drinker in the past and when I quit drinking I almost in the same breathe found a new purpose in life with my Boyfriend Ron... But then I also developed a blood sugar issue.. that i have to eat or I get very disconnected dizzy and so forth. I am in the habit of having candy with me at all times but i am not seeming to manage that very well i am having to use the candy more than I used to.  Which is also another reason i am gaining wieght i am sure..   I also then decided to change my diet.. I am now and have been a Vegetarian for about 6 months and at first i felt fine and the blood sugar issues seem to even have corrected its self for a while.  Now the dizzy spells are back and the lack of energy.     It maybe time i seek the drs to see what maybe going on with me.  i almost am certain it is my bio rythm is just off when you throw your circadian rythms for a loop for long periods of time I know that it can cause wierd things to occur.. maybe a change of job is in the cards for me.   I am going to meditate on it for a bit and also even have a reading done.  I am not proficient enough with the tarot cards yet to do my own readings.

Sorry this is such a downer of a blog post its a reflection of my inner thoughts and i guess thats what blogging is about but our inner selves. 

On a good note i have been reading Drawing Down the Moon By Margot Adler... i have been studying basic craft now for coming close to 9 months or so and this book has given me insights i have never known about... The origins of the craft I am studying and the history and connections are astounding.  If anyone is looking to read a book that is eye opening it is certainly that. It has changed some of my view points in regards to the craft and strengthened many points I already felt strongly about.  The structures and ceremonies The coven i belong to are hinted to and thier origins or who wrote them and how they came about the information...i just dont know what to say.. I am shocked by what i now know.. BUT it doesnt change a single thing I believe in.  i still Love the Goddess and all she has brought into my life. 

            As a gay man though.. I can see how in the Craft we are left to the way side, we are accepted...but not included in the structures and formalities of the craft as we know it.  I am going to do more reseach on that aspect of my gay life in regards to Wicca. How do I fit in since i don't procreate, how do i fit in since i dont have only masculine qualities BUt femine qualities as well?  Can i become the Goddess when invoking Diety and the God? are gay men and women unique in thier duality in this regard?  I do feel that the Goddess isnt over looking me... or my kind in any regard but the structures of ritual and the messages written by Men and Women in the craft do not adress this issue formally.  

       The first book of craft i have read is Solitary witch By Silver Ravenwolf the second was Bucklands blue book of Witchcraft.   Ravenwolf and Buckland have extremly different views on the craft.  Ritual and ceremony set up the same but... still very Different. i am for one glad I do not take part in a skyclad coven and would never consider that an option.  After reading Drawing down the moon I also have to say Silver has a evolved sense towards the craft from the original structures.  Now i have been told that she is to be regarded as Wishcraft.. not true Witchcraft... but I do have to say I have done some spells with great sucess from her book and don't think  it to have been wishful.. I full on acted and did what I set out to do for the people in my life.. I am not praising her as the all knowing one.. but I am saying out of the two books i have studied Hers is the more helpful of the two...as a comparrison.  Buckland had a strictness in his writing... i got a feeling that he was very.... set in his view point,  and From ravenwolf I got a sense of this is a basic instruction.. this worked for me but dont worry if you dont do it right adopt what you feel is right and it will still work for you....  the feelings in the way the craft is presented is different for sure... Silver has adressed her books to a younger crowd than me So I had to over look the fact she was catering her book to a teenager for the most part they MAY be the ones that need her guidance more than me.. I did over look that and still feel that i learned more from her that i did Bucklands strict and i will dare say midevil approach. 

           NOW I am not saying he is a bad man and maybe his view point didnt fully match mine or his writing style didnt appeal to my senses.  What is good for me is not always good for others.  This is just me voicing my opinion.  after reading drawing down the moon I have a better out look as to where i am going with my magick and studies.  You personalize your ritual, your craft, your life.  Do what suits you no one makes these decisions for you.  My coven matches me its ecclectic,  the people are warm and real and relaxed.  No one critizes and forces structure.  There is no memorizing lines and we fumble we laugh and carry on like it is all great fun... but there is no doubt in my mind that everyone of us truly believes in our Power.  In our Goddess. In US...   we all are growing and learning... every single one of us.. just because something is written down.. doesnt mean it is set in stone.. I have written my own circle cast and quarter calls that i use for my personal magick.  they address all the "basics" of the structure but the words are mine and the meaning is mine.   Does that make my magick not work?  I say NO it doesn't... I work my magick... I have worked it without a circle even.. Just a few words and concentration and a moment of silence.. I have worked magick just fine.   

I am not here to promote myself.. just making a point... structure is fine for those that need it...in the beggining we all need it. I still will use structured spells.. and rituals... but I also KNOW I don't have to. ...  This is what i LOVE about Wicca and Witchcraft.. I am right to use the basics.. I am right to not... You are right to believe what i dont.. and i am right to believe that we can disagree... and in the end we all are right... HOW freaking awesome is a religion that allows THAT!  Witches and nature religions ROCK!

Okay i cheered my self up getting all of that off my chest...whew who knew maybe thats why I been feeling off... naw its still there just i focused elsewhere for a bit...

If you made it this far in this rambling of mine...thank you for listening... i hope i offended no one with my view points.. that is not my intention but maybe you can see a little bit more into who i am from reading about what i think and feel.

 Please also disregard any mispellings and grammar issues in this blog or any blog i put out i dont use spell check and I don't punctuate properly or many other bad habits i have adopted over the years. 

Merry Part everyone

Blessed BE

Artimus Rowan